And then there were two…

It is hard to believe that I am now the mother of two children.  How did that happen?  I mean, I know how it happened. I was the eager participant  in many a sex ed class throughout my formative years, after all.  But how did I get to be so OLD??

Life starts moving faster than a freight train after the age of 22.  It’s like mother nature’s way of saying, “Ha ha!  You’re an adult, so now I am going to make sure the road to wrinkles and unimaginable responsibility comes at you as fast as humanly possible!”  Somehow I blinked and went from 22 to 32 without knowing where in the hell those ten years went.  But I think it went something like this:

Graduated college, moved to California, met the love of my life, moved back East, got engaged, got married, bought an apartment, got a dog, got pregnant, had a baby, stopped working, started a business, got pregnant again, had another baby, and phew…I am tired.  Participating in the acceleration of my own life has been exhausting!

And I truly love being a mother, but boy, is it tiring.  Anyone who says it isn’t hard work is either lying or lazy or both.  My toddler son runs around like a maniac for 12 hours a day, and then when he finally goes to sleep, we are up with our newborn baby for another 3-4 hours after that.  By the time she goes to bed that leaves my husband and I with approximately thirty minutes of alone time before we go to sleep…or at least hope to sleep…for a few hours…until the newborn wakes us up with her incessant need to eat. Man, the nerve!  And even as I write this, it has taken me three shots at the computer before getting this article published, one of which involved typing with a baby on my lap, since there is always a little one needing my time and attention.

How people handle more than two kids is beyond me.  I would like to have a third someday, but quite honestly I’m not sure how I would do it.  What happens to that third kid, anyway?  Kid #1 is the firstborn, so of course they think that they rule the roost (which they kind of do) and consequently dominate all your time.  Kid #2 just sits around and  hopes someone will pay attention to him or her once Kid #1 stops monopolizing every last ounce of energy the parents have.  So where does that leave Kid #3?  S.O.L., that’s where.  That kid will be giving themselves a bottle at 3 days old and watching The View at 5 days old, just so that mama can have five minutes to eat a sandwich and go to the bathroom.

And what about those crazy families out in the midwest with 16 plus kids??  How do they do it, you ask?  They get a reality show, that’s how.  And they use the money to pay for someone else to raise their abnormally large brood.

For now, I am happy with two.  That is, until I forget the pain and agony of pregnancy and childbirth, and get the itch to have another.  And when you’re a mom that happens faster than you think, since all of your brain cells are dedicated to the care of someone else.  What’s my name again?

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